The Tell-Tale Signs You’re the Chaser in Your Relationship
Ever feel like you’re the one putting in all the effort while your partner just kicks back? If it feels like you’re always making the first move, you might be the chaser in your relationship. Being the one who does all the pursuing can be exhausting, especially when it’s one-sided. Here are 15 telltale signs you’re the one doing the chasing, while they’re just along for the ride.
1. You’re Always the One Texting First
You’re the one blowing up their phone with the “good morning” texts or asking how their day is going. And if you don’t, it’s radio silence. If you’ve noticed that the conversation tends to die off unless you’re the one kicking it off, you might be the chaser. It’s like if you didn’t text, you’d never hear from them again.
2. You’re Planning Every Single Date
From dinner reservations to weekend plans, you’re the one putting in all the effort to make things happen. You’re basically the cruise director of the relationship, and all they ever need to do is just show up. Sure, it’s great to take initiative here and there, but if it feels like you’re carrying all the weight, you’re definitely in chaser territory.
3. You Apologize First—Even When It’s Not Your Fault
You’ve mastered the art of saying sorry, even when you know deep down it wasn’t your fault. Whether it’s to avoid an argument or to gloss over any discomfort, you’re always the first to reach out and make things right. If you’re constantly the one offering apologies to keep the peace, you’re chasing after harmony that they aren’t even bothered to maintain.
4. You Overanalyze Every Single Thing You Say
You’re over here picking apart every text, rereading messages to make sure you didn’t come off too clingy or desperate. You worry about whether you’re saying too much, texting too often, or asking too many questions. Meanwhile, they say whatever they want, whenever they want. If their lack of effort is making you second-guess everything you do, you’re probably the one chasing them while they play it cool.
5. You’re Dropping All the Hints About the Future
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Whether you’re casually mentioning future plans or hinting at the next step in the relationship, it’s always you bringing it up. If you’re the one steering those conversations while they nod and smile without really committing, you’re the one pushing for more. Meanwhile, they’re just kicking back and enjoying the present with no sense of urgency for what’s next.
6. You Feel Insecure About Where You Stand
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If you’re constantly wondering where you stand in the relationship or worrying if they’re really into you, that’s a sign you’re the chaser. When the other person isn’t putting in the same effort, you’re left feeling a bit clueless, so you’re constantly trying to prove your worth or keep their interest. You shouldn’t have to do this if the relationship was truly 50/50.
7. You Make Excuses for Their Lack of Effort
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“Oh, they’re just really busy right now,” or “They’ve never been the type to text a lot.” Sound familiar? If you find yourself constantly making excuses for why they’re not matching your energy, it’s because you’re doing all the chasing. Deep down, you know you deserve more, but you keep justifying their half-hearted effort.
8. You Drop Everything When They Make Plans
When they finally suggest something, you drop everything to make it happen. You’ll rearrange your entire schedule just to fit into their plans, and it doesn’t matter what you had going on—you’re there. If their rare invitations feel like a big deal and you’re always bending over backward to say yes, it’s a sign you’re the one chasing.
9. You’re Constantly Worried About Coming On Too Strong
You’re always editing yourself and making sure you don’t come off as too eager or too available. You’re so busy trying to look cool that you’re afraid to express your real feelings or make demands. If you’re tiptoeing around their emotions and holding back so they don’t pull away, you’re definitely the chaser.
10. You’re Doing All the Emotional Heavy Lifting
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You’re the one asking how they’re feeling, checking in on their day, and offering support. But when it comes to your emotions, it’s crickets. You’re holding the emotional glue of the relationship together while they barely even put in the effort to check on you. If it feels like you’re doing all the caring in the relationship, you’re probably chasing a one-sided connection.
11. You Keep Hoping They’ll Step Up
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You’ve been waiting for them to finally step up and match your energy, but it just hasn’t happened. You have this secret hope that magically they’ll start texting more, planning dates, or showing more affection—at least, that’s what you tell yourself. But if you’ve been stuck in that waiting game, hoping for more while they stay the same, you’re chasing an effort they’re never going to give.
12. You’re Always the One Trying to Define the Relationship
You’re the one bringing up those tough relationship talks, asking, “What are we?” If they’re always dodging those conversations or brushing them off, it’s no coincidence. In fact, it’s actually a pretty big sign that you’re chasing commitment while they’re content keeping things undefined. If they’re not in a rush, but you are, guess who’s the one chasing?
13. You Notice the Relationship Falls Apart When You Stop Trying
The biggest sign you’re the chaser? When you stop trying, everything falls apart. If you stop texting first, making plans, or pushing for more, the relationship seems to hit a wall. They’re not meeting you halfway, and if you weren’t putting in all the effort, there’d be no relationship at all.
14. You’re Always Trying to Keep Them Interested
If you feel like you’re constantly “performing” to keep their attention—whether it’s by looking your best, being extra witty, or doing things just to please them—you’re most likely the chaser. When it comes to a loving relationship, they should like you for who you are, not because you’re bending over backward to impress them.
15. You’re Always Compromising, They’re Always Comfortable
In your relationship, it seems like you’re the one making all the sacrifices. Whether it’s changing plans to suit their schedule or giving up things that matter to you, you’re constantly the one compromising. Meanwhile, they’re cruising along and changing nothing for you because you’re more of an afterthought than anything else.
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